Brain, please slow down so I can sleep.

My brain decided the night I wanted to go to bed early would be a good time to go into overdrive... Thanks Brain.

So hear are thoughts that are bouncing around me head. I once read a book by Bear Grylls on a bunch of survival techniques for the most dangerous places on earth. In the intro of the book Bear made the comment about how the word "Wilderness" was not the right word for going out into the bush. He said the fact that the word "Wild" was in the word was wrong. He said there was nothing wild about nature. If anything he said, the cities and urban areas are wild.
(I think this is how it went, it has been a while. This is how I remember it.)

While I do see some truth to his statement I think he only eluded to one part of the truth.

Nature is in fact not wild, there is order to the forests and the animals the live where few humans ever see. Yet there is something wild about being where few humans have gone before. Nature plays no favourites, it has no bias. The lightning strikes the ground whether humans are their or not. Trees do fall whether people are around or not, do they make a noise? Who knows, all I know is that they fall regardless of human presence. Avalanches seem to show off their destructive powers whether humans are around to see the amazing sights or not. Even the best and most experienced avalanche experts can at times be surprised by avalanches. There seems to be no way to tame the beast that we humans call nature, wilderness, or the great outdoors.

So how does one describe or define what some call wilderness and some call nature? Who knows, but whatever you call it you can be sure of a few things. Nature is wild and yet is full of order. Nature is full of what we would call imperfections, rocks crumble, trees fall, water floods, animals get sick or injured and die. However I would have to argue that nature is perfect, self regulating, self sufficient, self governing. No one animal can ever get the upper hand to rule. That is, unless humans get in the way and mess things up.


"In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful." Alice Walker

Nelson House Reflections

Last week I had the opportunity to spend a week in Nelson house with the pursuit students and Ben. We got the opportunity to volunteer at the local school, spend time with kids in the community, spend time with some adults in the community, sing on the radio, and live with a family from the community. All of which was very interesting.

I will share one thing I have been thinking about over the last few days since returning from Nelson House.

I am not sure if someone is responsible for the way things operate in nelson house. But I can tell you this, The "systems" that are in place there do not seem to be working. The school system does not seem to work there. The law system does not seem to work there. The Honour system does not seem to exist there. The majority of what you see when you are in Nelson house is utter and complete brokenness. Children grow up without feeling proper love, which ends up taking them down a lot of roads no one should ever have to go down. People complain that they cannot get any jobs, which is largely due to the fact that in the past when people have been given a job they disappear after a couple of days and leave the employers hanging. And yet I can't really blame the people for this.

 Be honest, would you go to work for 8 hours a day to make money when you could sit at home or do what ever you wanted and still get money from the government?  I think most of us would like to think that we would at least do something productive with our time if the government would send us money every month. But I wonder if we really would, and if we did how long would it last. How soon would we become lazy and then eventually pass it off to our children, who would then pass it on to their children. After a few generations it would be the norm to do nothing.

Not that I want to sound all high and mighty, but I honestly believe that if someone wants to make a difference in Nelson house all they need to do is Love the people. Show the children LOVE. Show the parents LOVE. Teach the people how to LOVE. and in a couple of years you will have a completely different Nelson house.

It is hard to blame people when they have grown up in an environment like the one in Nelson house. Not to let them off scott free but they are at a serious disadvantage.

It is easy to give an opinion when I am removed from Nelson house knowing that I will not really be going up there anytime soon I don't think.  I honestly do not think I could handle it, I am not qualified for that type of job. I am sure someone is somewhere, hopefully they find there way onto this blog.

That is all for now.

What do I do?

I told one of the students yesterday that I am done being socially acceptable. I want to be able to express how I am doing without feeling like it is unwelcome. So I am trying to do things differently know. Although I can already say that tonight I didn't do what I am trying to do. It is a work in progress, the journey is more important than the end result I think.

Like when someone asks me how I am doing. Good, Pretty good, Excellent, Great, and Really Good are among the most common replies.

So how am I doing you might want to ask.

Currently I would rather be in BC and in Manitoba, here is why.

I used to want to be back in manitoba because that is where my community was. My family was there, my friends where there, and my church was there.  Why would I want to be away from that? So I moved back and it was great, I saw my friends, my family, and my church again. But part way through summer it started to wear off. It was lacking in some areas, but change was coming.

I moved out to Red Rock Bible Camp starting september to help out with a Discipleship program. Perfect I thought, 8 months of a tight community feel that would help others and myself grow closer to God... This is the change I was needing.

I am out here in a community of people who desire to make a difference in the life of campers and students, and yet I feel like I am floating between two worlds with no where to put an anchor to which I can hold onto. There are students here, I am one of their leaders which makes it difficult to have a mutual encouraging relationship. Not to say I am never encouraged by them but it is my job to encourage them and use my gifts to build them up, not the other way around.

Then there are the other full time staff, while I am accepted by them I feel like I am not one of them. They all have family so come evening time they are typically with them which does make sense. Also, as much as I am staff here at the Camp and I put in my hours every week probably more than 40 hours (Most of my day is with the students and I am with them in the evening as well. So in a sense when ever I am with them I am working). I am not temporary and I know it.

I feel disconnected from a lot of my friends in the city and the friends that I do connect with are for the most part on a surface level. I am not trying to place the blame solely on my friends I realize that it takes two people for a deep friendship but this is how I feel.

So right now, a number of my most meaningful relationships are with people that I left behind at CBC. Which I did not realize until these past few months.

I mean I really messed up when I was out at CBC. I did not invest enough in the friendships I had or the people I lived with. It has taken me almost 7 months to come to figure this out.

Do not worry, I am doing good for the most part. It just that right now this is how I feel.

Vapours

It has been a while, I just had nothing to write...

Tomorrow I am going to process, and I will write what I come out with at the end, or at least what comes out along the way.

"He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened." - Lao Tzu

What will it take?

Yesterday part of me wanted to grab my laptop and go throw in in the lake. After which I would shout at the top of my lungs "Take that" and I would then have a sort of proud moment where I would feel like I stuck it to the man!

But then I thought about the consequences of that action. I would have a harder time connecting with friends who live far away. It would be slightly more difficult to get my work done. I would have a hard time putting pictures from my camera somewhere, but I could just buy a photo album. I would have a hard time getting music on my ipod, and I am not even sure if a Discman still exists?

When it comes down to it the reason I did not throw my laptop into the lake is because I can't. I am a coward when it comes to some of my ideals. I am addicted to wasting time looking at pictures, watching videos, and playing Tetris on my computer...Yes I play Tetris.

I am in a constant war between my 2 minds. The one wishes to be connected at all times and to not miss out. It wishes to see notifications and emails pop up as if that is how I know things are going well. The other mind wants to be able to let go of it all and feel freedom. It wants to be free to come and go as it pleases to not have to worry about where to plug in the laptop when the battery is running low. It wants to say "Let the laptop die and never return again." I desires simplicity and freedom from these man made idols.

It is a constant war in which small battles are played out on an hourly bases stuck in some sort of tug of war struggle. With no end in sight.

I am distressed

 I read an interesting article today about the passing away of Steve Jobs and what he left behind.

              In this respect, Jobs’ greatest achievement in life was nothing like the lofty goals of Wangari Maathai, the Nobel Prize-winning activist who fought poverty, corruption and environmental degradation and who silently died in Kenya two weeks ago, apparently without anyone noticing. No. All eyes are focused on a man whose greatest achievement in life was simply to bring aesthetics and rebellion to the forefront of his highly successful brand, thereby perpetuating the commodity fetish at the heart of our so-called post-material society.


What is wrong with North America?


If you want to read the full article go here:
http://roarmag.org/2011/10/steve-jobs-obituary-for-a-capitalist-revolutionary/

Good day.

Today was a fantastic day. I felt blessed and hopefully helped others feel blessed. May you be blessed too!